even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
