You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
