Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
