WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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