I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
