could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
