are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
