Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
