Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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