I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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