I hope mine doesn't look like that
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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