So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
