She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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