Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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