I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
