no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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