There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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