You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
smell my finger.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
