Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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