I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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