So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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