he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
