so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
