You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
