You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
