He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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