WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
