just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
