she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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