I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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