i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
