dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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