pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
