After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
