Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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