I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
