i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
