you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
