hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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