So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
