its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
