just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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