My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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