Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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