discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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