I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
