So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
