just come out here and I will go home with you...
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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