Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
