when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
