apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
