I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
